S.O.S.

Dear Sundance,

My neighbor told me you are like a life coach. He had great things to say about your blog. I have a major problem. My owner's behind has blossomed into a donkey. It is beginning to look like a hot air balloon. That metaphor is even more apt in the evening. Ever since he stopped working out regularly, his mule has continued to swell and expand. Could it be because his girlfriend recently dumped him? The extra long hours at work? His recent beer intake? Please do not misunderstand me, I don't care what he looks like, but I'm no dummy. I read the public-service posters at the vet, and they say we won't live as long if we're carrying all that extra baggage. I know I am so lucky to be his dog, for when times were great, we would exercise sometimes three times a day with his ex-girlfriend Tracy. Yet ever since they broke up we stopped going to the track, attending spin class, and most importantly, smiling, and I find him spiraling down into a state of depression as the end of the year is narrowly approaching. Even my wagging tail and sad eyes haven't helped.

Please Help,

Schnauzer On Shipwreck

Dear S.O.S.,

I am so flattered by your kind remarks. I know it's really hard to see your best friend go down this road. You are a super-fantastic friend for caring and all will be OK.

Let's get to work on your owner immediately and swiftly. Get the collar and leash and place it on your owner's pillow. Retrieve the rain boots and coat, a ball, and an umbrella. Push and nudge him off the couch.

The holidays have their up and downs for a lot of people, especially humans. Sometimes humans feel invisible and think they do not count in the greater good of it all. A droplet of doubt can ruin a good thing. You are his last hope for motivation to live in the here and now, to see the joy in the moment, and do what's best for the bigger picture. Remind him of the simple things and the joy of feeling his body move in nature with a canine companion.

Live Happy!

Sundance

p.s. ANSWER: AZTEC.

Frosted Flake

Dear Sundance,

I am beginning to worry about my owners health. He smokes and has a family history of emphysema. We no longer go out on walks, instead, he takes me to the beach and drives his truck while I run after him.

Today, we had our first sign of frost, and if history repeats itself, I am in for a long winter. At least I am not like my friend Sweetie, who I rarely see outside.

Why doesn't my owner realize that his health is as important as mine?

Signed,

Frosted Flake

Dear F.F.,

I couldn't believe my eyes when I came across this same practice the other day. I was dumbfounded when I witness my fellow canines chasing a green pickup truck on a long stretch of the pacific coastline. My owner just stopped his pace and glanced over at me with such wonderment. I know the folks in my town are well mannered and conscientious of the outdoor world, but I had no idea how bizarrely indolent they are.

I strongly suggest you fetch the yellow pages and place it besides your owner, or next time you are in a pet store, enquire about a dog walker. Most towns and cities have them. In fact, I just skimmed over the pet services in craigslist and found some very affordable dog walkers. Your owner may be a bit hesitant at first, but remind him of the money he will be saving on gas and having to drive aimlessly on the beach.

Live happy!

Sundance