Reading your new puppy

Topic: Introductions 

In this week's dialogue, James, Alexia, and Sundance will discuss how dogs and humans first meet each other. Sundance will ask a series of relevant questions, and James and Alexia will provide answers.

Sundance: On that first day we met, I had no idea who you and Mama were. You were just a couple of humans visiting who I thought only wanted to play and pick me up, like all the others that came before you. My birth-momma was slowly separating herself from us pups, and no longer wanted to nurse us. We had started eating from a large bowl, chomping away at puppy kibble. You and Mama approached me slowly and did not overwhelm me with excitement, exuberance, and joy. Instead you allowed me to come to you, and you let me watch as you and my my birth mom played fetch.

James: I remember that day well. Your brother and sister were more  interested in me than you were. We knew we wanted a dog who maintained a calm energy and was laid back. You were exactly what we wanted! Sundance, you were not my first golden retriever, so I knew what we were getting into and how to approach the situation. Your Mama and I were committed to being informed about your needs, and understanding the type of energy you shared, and chose you based on our needs and preferences as committed owners. 

Sundance: So if I had been more like my brother and sister, you may not have wanted me? 

James: If you were more like your brother and sister, we would have watched a bit more closely and observed the kind of conversation you were sharing with them. It was important for us to see your birth-mama and look at her temperment with humans and other dogs. We wanted to see the kind of stock you came from and if there were any warning behavior signs like growling, barking, and fighting. Often, bad behaviors like this can transfer over to the puppies. But your Mama was an angel, a perfect golden retriever. 

Sundance: So, first introductions must remain calm and steady, not overbearing and dominant?

James: Most new owners are excited to get a new puppy, and then they read each other incorrectly. Your mama and I wanted to be certain the match was perfect and our union would be long lasting, with room for improvement.

Sundance: I'm so glad I'm the puppy you chose. I can't think of a better Momma and Daddy to have, or a better living situation than ours. 

Over Indulgence

Topic: Obsessions

In this week's dialogue, James, Alexia, and Sundance will discuss how dogs and humans are compelled to do the things they do. Sundance will ask a series of relevant questions and James and Alexia will provide answers.

Sundance showing thanks.

Sundance: Last night I got to thinking about why dogs and humans do the things they do. Why do we lick, and why do humans obsess in front of computer screens?   

James: Licking is something dogs do to clean and show reverence to their masters or mates. It's done in a submissive manner to show appreciation and respect. When it becomes unstoppable, then we have a fixation problem. 

Sundance: I've never seen a human lick their computer screen, although I have watched you clean the computer with a special cloth. Are you showing appreciation to the great Apple in the sky by performing this task? 

Summer cabin in Beaver, OR.

James: Yes I am. I like my personal things to be clean, plus your Mama and I like to maintain a refreshing environment. We both understand that we cannot keep everything from becoming soiled and dirty, but we can do our best to keep a healthy habitat and maintain our resources so we don't waste money.

Sundance: When a dog is bored and licks its paw or leash or scratches its sides or chews people-things, is this like an "obsession" or "habit" or "tick?" 

James: Yes. 

Sundance: But whenever I see someone at a computer or reading, the human is always using a hand-paw to scratch the scalp, pick the nose, pop a pimple, or preform some other undesirable behavior. What gives? 

James: These are similar traits. Humans perform the same behaviors just as frequently as dogs, and it stems from imbalance, stress, anxiety, or boredom, just like dogs. We are not so much different. Humans enjoy probing at things and clearing whatever lies in front of them claiming imminent domain and call it perseverance, but it's just an obsession. Humans feel the need to be in control and make things appear smooth and sandpapered. Is this just? Not at all! We humans like to organize and mark things. Dogs will check-off hydrants and resource guard. Our lives are not  so much different, but you have something humans have lost in our quest to be superior beings, and that is innocence. So you see, your obsessions are brought on from our inability to guide you in the right direction and redirect your energies. 

Grooming session after exercise.

As your leader, it's my job to make sure you are well groomed, bathed, exercised, trained, and properly socialized. And as my own leader, I must do the same for myself as well.

Sundance: Once again, Daddy, you make it all clear for me. Too bad I only have a two-second memory!

Rain Drops Keep Falling

Topic: Rain in Oregon

In this week's dialogue, James, Alexia and Sundance will discuss how rain and fun meet. Sundance will ask a series of relevant questions and James and Alexia will provide answers.

Sundance: You weren't joking James. It sure rains a lot in Coos Bay.

James: Yes Sundance. There is much precipitation along the coast. We happen to be right in the middle of all this weathery fun. It's not like Los Angeles, or even Santa Cruz, kiddo. We've gotten ourselves wet behind the ears everyday this Winter.

Sundance: I am having tons of fun running in the morning with you and Momma, especially when Opie comes along.

James: Is that because we are now doing wind-sprints?

Sundance: That's part of it, but I just love how we are going fast.

James: I see, you want to be like Ricky Bobby and you just wanna go fast. I just want to get out and be healthy for you and Momma. You may not have noticed, but I have packed a few pounds on my belly this past hibernation period, even with walking and running you daily. It just happened.

Sundance: Oh James! I love you, fat or skinny. You are my best friend and I want us to be together for a long time.

James: You got it Sundance. Our conditioning and exertion together is the tie that keeps us close and bonded. The rain is just another part of it. The rain keeps us clean and refreshed, even during those times it feels like a tsunami. On those mornings I hear the rain come down, my body wants to stay in bed and stay dry, but the look on your face reminds me to do right by the both of us. If we let silly little technicalities like weather keep us from doing what we know needs to be done, we would start finding excuses for all sorts of bad habits.

Sundance: Why would anyone not run in rain? I love running in rain! My fur keeps me warm, and running feels good, essential, like eating. You wouldn't not eat just because of rain, would you?

James: But we don't have fur!

Sundance: Oh. That's right.

James: Humans have to be especially brave and gutsy and determined. If you're going to live in paradise, you have to rise to every occasion to make the best of every situation, regardless of circumstance.

Happy Easter 2012

Happy Easter!

Topic: Easter Eggs are Filled with Chocolate

In this week's dialogue, James, Alexia and Sundance will discuss where chocolate and Easter eggs come from. Sundance will ask a series of relevant questions and James and Alexia will provide answers.

Sundance: Why aren't the eggs you eat in the morning filled with chocolate?

James: That's a very good question, Sundance. Sometimes eggs aren't sweet. Those kind happen to be the ones I like to eat. I choose to eat these kinds so I can flavor them myself with spices and have them for breakfast. When I make chocolate eggs for breakfast, Momma isn't so thrilled.

Sundance: Why are some of those savory eggs white, some brown and some green?

James: Another great question. You know Sundance that if a mama dog is brown it's very likely that her puppies will be brown. So, if an Easter chicken is purple or green or yellow or red, then it is likely she will lay purple or green or yellow or red eggs that match her own color. But if she is sweet with some soul and is married to a brown easter bunny, than she will lay eggs that will have chocolate inside them.

Sundance: The eggs that I lay on the lawn, they are brown and you pick them up and put them in a bag. Are those chocolate eggs too, and are you saving them to eat later?

James: No, those are not chocolate eggs. We put them in a bag and throw them in the trash because they do not taste good to us.

Sundance: Now, the Easter bunny, is he a real bunny, or is he made out of chocolate? Either way I'd like to taste him. I just want to know if I should have him for dinner or dessert.

James: That depends on your religious persuasion. Strict Christians believe the Easter bunny is merely a misguided representation of a simple rabbit. But traditional Americans tend to see the Easter Bunny as more of a spiritual guide who helps them make important decisions in springtime, hence his frequent representation in chocolate, another religious substance. So no, there is no one bunny for Easter like there's one groundhog for Groundhog Day.

Sundance: Gee, Daddy, this has been a very fruitful discussion. You have such enriching answers to my myriad questions. I love you Daddy.

Poking fun on April Fools

Today on A Tired Dog is a Discontented Dog

In this end-of-the-week dialogue, Alexia and Sundance talk about behaviors seen in dogs and people. Sundance will ask a series of relevant questions and Alexia will provide answers.

Sundance: Momma, why do dogs hate exercise?

Alexia: See, dogs are reincarnated mules, who have in the past worked far too hard as beasts of burden. Once they enter the world of modern convenience, abundant food, and automated transportation, they would rather sit behind an invisible fence and watch the world go by. They don't want to run on a leash or chase squirrels or hike up mountains. They want to lie in bed all day getting plump. They loathe the idea of walking in the rain. They want to be protected from the elements, avoiding extreme temperatures and rough terrain. They would prefer to be carried everywhere. This all because they instinctually remember their previous lives as donkeys.

Sundance: I see. That explains the eternal lethargy of myself and dogs like me. Now why do we feel so agitated when we are tired? Why are we so restless and disobedient after a long day of exercise and activity?

Alexia: This is due to the neural activity spurred by the physical action chemicals produced following prolonged activity. After a good run, a dog feels anxious about what will come next, analyzing the prospects of the future, based on what it knows of the past. A dog will then be prone to aggravated behaviors such as chewing, barking, and running in circles. And this is all easily explained by the revving up that intense activity results in.

Sundance: Well, that doesn't seem to make any sense to me at all, but that must be because I am only a dog. Which brings me to my next question: Why are dogs so out-of-touch with their master's moods and whims?

Alexia: Animals are merely animals. They are like plants. Plants with hearts, lungs, and fur. And all they really need is water and sunshine by an open window. If you provide these simple things, then you will get a pet that, like a plant, cannot figure out anything its owner is thinking. Hence dogs pervasive inability to read people and situations. And dogs are always thinking about the past and future, worrying, fretting, mulling over past decisions, consequences, and the effects of their next move. This self-absorption makes them poor performers at reading others.

Sundance: Well, this April First discussion has brought forth many thought-provoking concepts heretofore unthought of by myself or many others. I'm so glad we had this enlightening talk. I'm going to sleep now.